DEAR DR. GOTT: My wife is 64 years old and has been sick since December of 2010. She weighs less than 80 pounds, has chronic diarrhea, acid reflux, no appetite, is constantly tired, has had skin rashes and has had shingles in the past. She also consumes quite a bit of beer daily (more than 10 12-ounce glasses). There is no way that I can get any information from her doctor because she has put a lock on it. I don’t think she has been totally truthful with him. I don’t claim to be a doctor but these problems seem to look like CD. Can you help?
DEAR READER: To be blunt, your wife is an alcoholic. If she isn’t eating properly but is consuming excessive amounts of beer, her acid reflux, fatigue, loss of appetite, and chronic diarrhea are likely a result. The shingles are almost surely unrelated, as it is caused by the chicken pox virus that lays dormant in the nerve cells. As for the rashes, without further information, I cannot determine if they are related.
While you cannot access your wife’s medical information, there is nothing to stop you from relaying your concerns to her physician, either in writing, in person, or over the phone. You must bear in mind, however, that neither you nor her physician can force her to be honest or to seek the medical attention she clearly needs. As I have stated in the past, until the addict/alcoholic is ready to admit there is a problem, nothing anyone says or does will make a lasting impact.
Now to your comment about your wife’s symptoms appearing to be CD. I’m not sure what you mean. Are you talking about celiac disease, Crohn’s disease, or something else? As I stated above, all the symptoms she is experiencing are probably due to her drinking problem. Even if the alcoholism isn’t to blame, (if she continues on the way she is, she will develop problems) she is displaying clear evidence that she has little regard for her health and isn’t likely to seek help.
I suggest you make your concerns clear to your wife and to her physician. Ask her to seek the help she needs and be there for her should she need you. However, if she isn’t willing to change, it may be time for you to take a step back. Do not enable her; you will only make things worse. Get counseling or attend Al-Anon meeting to learn ways to cope with your wife’s addiction (which is an illness as many people fail to realize). You can find meetings in your area by visiting the Al-Anon website, www.al-anon.alateen.org.
