DEAR DR. GOTT:
Thank you for printing the article “When one’s time has come”. It was like a God-send letter to me; it spoke to me in such a big way. I read this article at the time my aunt had a stroke.
My uncle was 89 and my aunt was 85. They were married 65 years on Valentine’s Day 2007 for which we had a surprise drop in party. They loved it. We had as many family and friends there as possible so they could talk and reminisce with them. It was a very enjoyable time for them to say the least. They talked about it for a long time afterwards.
They have been an inseparable couple throughout their whole lives, working side by side on the farm with no outside help, seven days a week, 365 days a year. They never wanted to be apart from each other. They had a devotion for each other that went beyond words. Both displayed anxiety when the other was not by their side.
These same people were in a nursing home for over 2 years in the same room by their request. Their care was the highest level of nursing care due to my uncle’s needs. He had multiple strokes many years ago, was blind, on a wheel chair and had to be nurse-fed with pureed foods. He also was diagnosed with terminal cancer and placed under hospice care. He continued to remain in the same room with his wife. My aunt said that she was glad he made the decision to stay with her through all of this.
My aunt always prided herself in taking care of her husband, even in the nursing home. Shortly after entering the home she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, had trouble walking and then had a major stroke. She was placed under hospice care shortly after my uncle was.
I choose to keep them both together in the same nursing home room, rather than sending her to the hospital because I felt it was the best for them both. The nursing staff moved the beds closer together so my uncle could talk to her and hold her hand. She would on occasion respond to is voice. My uncle told me that he had held his wife’s hand more in the nursing home than he had in 65 years of marriage. The nursing staff even said that to see them holding hands was very sweet and endearing. I never regretted keeping them together.
My aunt, before her stroke, always talked about death in a matter of a fact way and saying that one of them would have to die first and she hoped it would be she. After the stroke, several family members started stating their opinions such as “Why isn’t she in the hospital?” or “Did she have that shot?”. These well intentioned people did not know about her true medical condition that the doctor and nurses shared with me nor did they have knowledge of her living will. These same people were never close enough to see or hear what her true wants and wishes were, either. I based my care-taking decisions on the facts from the medical staff, her living will and wishes and consultation from a minister.
What little time my aunt and uncle had left needed togetherness, as they would have wanted it. The staff and I kept hoping that at some point she would be lucid enough to speak to her husband, since he was blind and couldn’t see her. It was something he wanted very badly, to hear his wife’s voice, just one more time. No one thought it would be possible, but our prayers were answered. Just before her passing, my aunt spoke to him and said “I will love you forever and ever, till death do us part and beyond”. Five weeks later, my uncle passed away after telling the nursing staff that he was going home soon to be with his wife and son.
The time they shared at the end was priceless. No amount of additional medical care could have taken the place of their love and time together prior to their earthly parting.
DEAR READER:
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story. This is perhaps one of the best cases of a loved one and medical staff working together to fulfill two patients’ wishes. They seem to have had a love beyond words and I believe that you did everything you could to ensure that they were happy and comfortable to the end.
I am printing your letter in its entirety to show others that, even in this day and age, kindness, compassion and love can prevail. I hope families faced with these hard decisions and medical personnel can draw from your experience and put it into action to make others as happy as your aunt and uncle were at the end.
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