DEAR DR. GOTT: I am writing in regards to your article that appeared in my newspaper on June 26, 2010.
A counselor wrote to you asking about her husband’s habitual drinking habits. Your response to her was extremely accurate. Your description of the disease and its profound effects on a family was one of the best descriptions I have read outside of the literature that the Al-Anon Family Groups publish. It is truly wonderful to read such a straightforward, honest answer about alcoholism and its effects on the family in our local newspaper.
Unfortunately, the public is uneducated about alcoholism and relates to the disease, much like this writer, as shameful behaviors that can be changed “if he loved me enough.” When family members don’t understand the nature of alcoholism, they are prone to go to great lengths to get the alcoholic to stop drinking, as your response suggests. That is when the family members become sick, too, from attempting to battle a disease over which they have no control.
I am also encouraged by your response to try Al-Anon. There IS a solution for family members, and Al-Anon can provide a ray of hope to anyone who walks through the doors of a meeting. In addition to the education about alcoholism and the effects on family members, there are practical solutions to deal with the problems that come with the disease. As a member, I have seen miracles happen within the program. I have witnessed members transform their lives and live happy, fulfilled lives, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
Thank you for your response to the counselor. The power of an article can be far-reaching. I hope to see a family member who is still suffering from the effects of alcoholism show up at one of my Al-Anon meetings. Thank you.
DEAR READER: Thank you for the kind remarks. As I am sure you know, alcoholism is a serious problem. An addiction to alcohol, certain behaviors, smoking, narcotics, illicit drugs, even gambling can have devastating consequences, not only to the user but also to the user’s family and friends.
I don’t believe that the public is uneducated about alcoholism, simply undereducated. You are correct that there is a certain level of shame that goes along with addiction, and this shame often leads those who care to go to extreme lengths to cope with and even hide the problem, which only serves to complicate and worsen the situation. There is no shame in having an addiction. It truly is a disease; however, it’s one that cannot be cured with pills and exercise. Treatment requires willpower and a desire to get better.
It requires changing habits and behaviors, examination of feelings and emotions, and a great deal of hard work.
It’s not easy, and for most, it requires making daily (even hourly, in the beginning) choices between what is easy (falling back into the addiction) and what is best (continuing to fight against it).
The families of addicts must realize that no matter what they say or do, nothing will change until the addict is ready to make that choice. Covering up the problem and putting up a front doesn’t do any good for anyone involved. There is no shame in addiction, nor is there shame in getting help. There is shame, however, in shame.
Readers interested in learning more about alcohol addiction should visit the websites for Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Alateen (support for teens) and Al-Anon (support for families): www.AA.org and www.Al-Anon.Alateen.org.
About Dr. Gott